Teaching reflections

Day 1: OML!!!!

I'm thinking now, "oh lord what did I put myself in!!!"

• The kids are still WILD, and most of them were staring at me because they dont know that much English! Okay, before you get confused, let me start with the good things first:
•  1- I was cool and never  felt Lost or nervous at all. 
• 2- I had full control on the classroom and the students. 
• 3- I was strict right away because (trust me!) They needed it.
•  4- I was flexible and self-reflecting all the time.
•  5- I spoke English ONLY! 
• 6- I reached all students and the ones who weren't ready yet, I skipped them
•  7- I already know few students and I never showed that I Love them or Love their parents. Ex: my uncle's daughter is in my classroom and never showed or told that she relates to me. 

--> WOW! I've done very well so far! But I didn't like the feeling. I felt that nothing is organized, the bell never rang but teachers were coming and telling me that the period is over. I HATED THAT. And the students kicking the tables drove me crazy, I couldn't hear anyone and I got a headache.

 - A girl hugged me becase she was scared she would be sitting away from her twin sister, I told her not to cry and she approached and hugged me and that was the sweetest thing ever😍😍

--> tips for first teaching:

 1- Anything you will design wont work perfectly and the students wont interact or act as you wished but thats okay because it's their first day of teaching!

2- Any game you design wont give you the feeling of satisfaction and wont make the students happy and excited. They will be sleepy and too tired to be part of this all. No worries, we don't care we just want time to pass. " The ultimate truth" 😂😂😂 + unless you let them crawl on the walls, then they will surely enjoy your period.

3- Group work is a disaster, dont use it because it will only help you feel stupid!

2- Don't be cute and nice, be strict and okay, they will love you anyway, unless you are really mean to them, and I cant give you any advice on that.

3- You will hate learning; as I feel right now, and if you are single just like me, then you will hate marriage and your future kids and you will decide that you dont want to go to that point. You will hate your self and wish that you are dead and fight with your Mum because she brought you to this world and your feet willl KILLLLLLL YOUUUUUU. But I believe that this would be the opposite after a while maybe, a year, or MANYY MANYYY YEARSSSS. I wish I get the feeling of those teachers who talk highly about teaching and how much it fills your heart with Love and blaa blaa blaa, I really wish that but maybe later, because now I wanna eat! OH Yess! You'll get hungry because all the food you ate 5 minutes ago will evaporate after you enter Miss Sarah's Monsters classroom. Oh yeah thats my classroom😊 and no that's not crazy, Monsters are Cuteee!!!!😍😍😍

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Day 2: "I can't do this anymore!!!"

Same as yesterday, I adabted my activities to their levels. They didn't remember nouns or adjectives so I gave them an activity where they remember the names of some animals and objects. I asked them to color, thinking that they will be excited for that. Coloring is supposed to be fun. But in one section ( my section) some didn't want to color and I swear to God I could've lost my nerves. There's that tiny devilish kid that won't listen and I almost killed him. Okay, it was a crazy idea naming my class "monsters" because they turned out to be ones😭😭😭😭

I didn't know what to do. When I left the class I wanted to cry my eyes out but I didn't want to ruin my mascara and turn into a real monster.

I walked in the hallway thinking of what will happen next. I wish I can quit.

I was tired and my energy battery drained. I entered the Bee's section and, lets say, they gave me hope. They were polite even if they weren't that perfect. One girl knows portuguese and a boy knows Frensh and the rest were either high achievers, avarage and low achievers. Another girl was slower than the others, way slowerrrr, slower than a turtleeeee, but she tried. All of them tried. The ones who needed help asked for it. They were all trying. I never stopped passing around and checking each activity even if it wasn't that important. I realised that I love the Bee's section more than Monsters section😓😓 that feeling kills mee😭😭😭

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Day #??-  I Can't remember, I lost track of time.

its been a long time since I wrote about my life in school. I was busy in planning for school and searching for ideas and resources. I gave my time for school and had less time for anything else.

I went through a lot actually, and each second I say I can't do this anymore. It's so demanding and many things to do in a very short time. I became the library supervisor, nd I have to finish all the things related to it in 2 weeks. Many teachers are not cooperating and I hate that. Aren't we a family after all?

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8 Days left till the end of school!!!

Yep, you'll notice that we, teachers, ( or maybe just me) start something and can't go on with it on time because we are too busy building generations that will save this world ( Hopefully!)

 I can't believe I just completed my first year in teaching! and I can't say in one piece!! 

I can't stand for too long, my knees are on fire, I have depression, headache, hair loss, temper, anger, sadness, nerves issues, dry skin, extra kilos and many things that aren't on my mind right now, but will in a while. 

I miss my friends, I miss my family, and I miss myself soooo much :'(

But just thinking of my little monkeys makes me believe that my heart grew a little bit ( MUCH) bigger. I'm in love with more than 60 kid! I'm a mother of 47 and still single!! 

You know it's not just about my students. I was able to inspire and be a source of love (at least) for students who I don't teach and never thought that we would be close even though we don't know each other.

I had parents telling me that their girls are obsessed with me! others told my what did you do to make them love you so much?! even I had no answer because I really don't know. Maybe because I loved them back? maybe,...

I had KG students or grade one students who love me because their siblings in my class who loved me and inherited their love to their young loves. 

Teaching is amazing I tell you. I won't lie and say that all days we were happy, or relaxed, or played all the time, or hugged and kissed all day long. I had breakdowns. we went through bad days. we've been through awful moments; but when we are happy, it's the best feeling in the world.

I became addicted to their love letters, their wonderful comments and to their tummy-chocking hugs.

I memorized every single one of them. We became a family. "I can't  explain it any better."

The problem with teaching is not how hard planning, designing or teaching is. The problem is the teaching environment you live in. I'm  involved with such environment for the first time, and never saw people hating each other this much. Teachers are trying to make you feel down and try to make you fail (Like ALL the time) so they can reach positions or maybe as simple as getting a positive feedback.

 I realized that if you don't feel safe and belong to a team, it won't work.

I still cry my eyes out because nothing changed for me. I still feel lonely, weak, alone, and I don't know what else. I'm angry and sad. I have madness within that I can't release just yet. and I hate most of the people I met.

I need consultancy after this destructive year.

I wish I could go to Qatar or Canada,. Maybe after 2 years. I decided to give it one more shot. to give them one more chance and that's it. I'm out of here. I'm soooo out of here for good In-sha'allah.

I love what I accomplished so far. It's not easy at all to go out from your first year and you've already done so much incredible things as I did. 

Thank you all, like even the smallest piece of tape that helped me hang a paper on the wall or bulletin board this year.

ILOVeYouAll.

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