My Imaginary Book

  Mar.13,2017:
  I know I act weird and silly most of the times, but I laugh genuinely. I might not put the effort in making everyone love me, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you. I lost the ability to make people love me a while ago, I guess they started to loose interest in me since then. But I can assure you I hold no grudges against you (Unless you ate my food).
   I build friendships easily, and that's ironic, but that doesn't mean I trust all of them or enjoy hanging out with them.
   I just felt the urge to write these words.
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   Pain is part of every single person's life, so no one is PAIN-FREE. That doesn't mean you are the only one in pain, and I am supposed to help you get out of your misery. It means that I might not help you overcome your pain, but I can guarantee that I'll make you forget about it for as far as your hanging out with me.

I help in minimizing your pain not making it vanish. there's a difference. So please help me love you. Don't act as if the whole world revolve around you and your life.

That doesn't even make sense***... Thank you for understanding.

April.2,2017:
 I hate death, it's an ugly truth. maybe that's why we hate it because it's true. And we love life because it's a beautiful lie. but sometimes you feel death is a lie, or it will turn out to be a lie but it doesn't. her 23 years old child died a few days ago, and she couldn't cry, I believe it's because she still hopes that he would enter the door telling her that it was a hideous lie. I can't believe either, I was just going to help him, to give him medicine that will keep him alive, but it's Allah's will.
A few hours ago he was between his family, and now he is gone for good. The thought of it hurts. his family will move on I know, life will go on I am sure of that, but... but how much time do they need to start healing?
My friend lost him and her dad, one year apart. I don't think she will ever heal. I don't believe I will be able to help her in a way or another. Her pain isn't easy. I can pray for her and her family instead.



   She's not so sure of who she is, or why she is like that. She's sad and happy, mad and calm, loud and quite,  fun and dull, young yet old. Sometimes she's silly and other times she's deep. Who is she? She's a combination of life. It's like she's a mix of all personalities. But you know what?! That's crazy, it's driving her crazy and she is helpless. Sometimes she's lonely as hell, she needs a shoulder to lean on, and at other times she's strong enough to live alone and to stand alone. Even though she's between her beloved ones, yet she feels she can't live there anymore. Even though she's between her friends, yet she feels she doesn't belong to them. All she wishes for is leaving and maybe staying away for a while. To collect herself, to think straight, and to be able to love again. She used to love everything and everyone, but hatred started to invade her heart and started to grow hard in it. Maybe that's why she thinks the way she thinks. Maybe it's a spill that made hate occupy her heart. Is that why she wants to run away? Because she can't love anymore? She can't hate anymore? She can't feel normal anymore?for she feels empty and alone.
   She knows that many of the people around her are lying at her, are betraying her, are using her, but she is doing nothing. I'm not sure if it's stupidness or she couldn't hate all people,  what I know is  that it's reducing her.
   She feels she's a bag full of random items, and she's not sure if they go together. She's not proud of who she is, and it's hurting her. She can't decide who she is and nothing of what she feels make sense.
   She couldn't balance between love and hate within herself, so she chose isolation.

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January 8th, 2019
Hey, it's me! I'm back. As I read what I've written more than a year ago, I feel proud. Yes proud. Proud of who I am today. I am a rough and a hard girl with a stiff and emotionless heart. Wellll, not that emotionless; I kept the real ones for myself. I leave when I'm not happy. I turn my back when I'm not sure. I don't give help to random people. I don't give them neither help nor emotions or love. I've controlled my mouth and so happy with that. I didn't lose so many friends but I lost my love to them. It's like I don't care so much about them. I like that!.
As I write these words I feel like I'm a gigantic human, a proud gigantic human. I'm in love now with this human. I love it enough to fight the world now for her.
Except for coughing so hard Im fine. Im happy and in peace with the world.
Xoxoxo.